Avens Dolor

Hi there! I like how you keep the running thread of paper throughout this piece. It's a really cool effect, and it plays well, especially, I think the lines "In ...

Hey Gracie! First, a couple of things that I do like about this piece: Your first line is short and sweet, and I think that although it doesn't give a ...

Chapter One The red carpet was soft beneath her bare feet as Adelaide traversed the hall. Although she had trekked down this corridor thousands of times in her life, this ...

Cold. The Raven curled up tight and wrapped her arms around herself, her eyes still shut. She tried to scrub her upper arms with her hands without waking but it ...

Four ‘I beg your pardon?’ The man sighed and began again. ‘What is your n-n-n-name?’ The Raven grinned. His stutter was hilarious. Kind of awkward. Stutters aren't really that funny ...

Three They ..."set out again, and that night they slept..." or something. It sounds like they just switched inns in the same town. slept that night at another inn. This ...

Two They left Londlow early the next day. It was warm with a tiny wind that whipped up strands of the carthorse’s mane and blew dust into their eyes, making ...

One The wind whimpered down Londlow’s narrow cobbled streets. It caught at the thatched or tiled roofs of the houses, rippled the surface of a new puddle in the gutter ...

Comments in red. --- Chloe Sibylle was short, but that was just a fact of life. She was fifteen and a half, a sophomore, and not a very good student. ...

Comments in red. All There Is Look both ways, make sure no one's watching. Turn the knob – don't let it creak – slip inside. Strip to your underwear, look ...

Comments in red. -------------- For a moment Brad opened his eyes. An unfamiliar face was looking down at him, wearing glasses and with dirty, tangled brown hair. Brad didn’t think ...

Thanks for requesting a critique! Comments in red. Out of Focus It's dark. The clouds hang low in the sky, painting the world like an old photograph. The sun can't ...

Thanks for requesting a critique! Comments in red. -------- ‘Even if you are a minority of one, the truth is the truth.’ – Mohandas Karamchad Gandhi Drych-ddelwedd There was a ...

Thanks for requesting a critique! Comments in red. --------- 026: Round The ball started it all. What does this mean? I was just bouncing it. Really, that’s all I was ...

Thank you for requesting a critique! Comments in red. ----------- Aaron Hunter was dying. Strong first line. Everything had happened so fast. One moment, the slender 19-year-old had been crossing ...